what I truly want to believe

I am following two, mutually exclusive belief systems. This is stupid enough but unavoidable for the time being.

Most of the time I go about living my life on automatic pilot. Although I may still seem alert and energetic in my daily doings, in a moment of honest reflection I would not consider myself very much awake. I follow an entirely dualistic approach to reality. It’s the duality of a personal existence and an outside reality. This is the belief system shared by religion and science alike. In short, it’s the human condition.

However, when I remember to allow myself a more peaceful state of mind I can see how foolish I am in taking myself and the world for real. That’s when I’m accepting the non-dualistic approach that we find in the so-called ‘Advaita’ (non-dual) philosophy of a.o. Ramana Maharshi and, more recently, in the metaphysical aspects of A Course in Miracles.

For now I cannot escape the essentially dualistic nature of being human, but in following the belief system of non-dualism I do not take myself and the world so seriously anymore and I’m willing to give up all forms of duality unconditionally. It all boils down to the central idea that God is the only reality. Our reality. The undivided reality of being One. Everything that seems to be separate from God (or not totally One) is an illusion.

This belief system of non-duality makes it easy to forgive anything in this world whatsoever because it never really happened. It’s all a dream and in reality we are never truly part of this dream.

Still, I am very forgetful of what I truly want to believe.